Wedding Dress
by starooo
Summary: Natsume Hyuuga stared at Mikan Sakura as she walked down the aisle. Her eyes were on the groom—and Natsume Hyuuga knew it wasn't him. RxM


**Wedding Dress**

Dedicated to _chockolaaate_

--

_You and he would argue  
then sometime tears would drip.  
As you're struggling, I felt the rays of hope  
My heart s-s-shattered in the silence  
And I would calm down as I look at your smile  
I conceal and hide my feelings away from you  
Because if you find out, we may be no longer together.  
I hold my breath  
and bite my lips  
then I hope that she's by my side, not his._

_Baby, please don't hold his hands  
Cause you should be my lady  
I've been waiting forever, so please look at me._

_Once the music starts  
you'll take the eternal pledge with him  
I prayed and hoped  
that this day would never come_

--

His heart ached, he wanted to runaway, he wanted to break down and cry. But he was always the realist. No matter how much it had hurt him, he couldn't, he won't.

Ruka Nogi fixed his tie. He hated wearing tuxedos, but he had talked himself through this for the past three days. When in a much comfortable position, Ruka took notice of his best friend's uneasiness. "What's wrong?" He didn't look at him, instead looked straight as he talked.

Natsume Hyuuga reminisced having conversations like these when they were back in the Academy. When he was young and didn't care less. When he was happy.

Natsume Hyuuga couldn't even remember the last time he was happy. That he was contented. When he felt like he owned the world. It seemed like ages. Everything was vague to him.

"Nothing." Natsume whispered, his voice faltering. Like how his heart was—torn apart; heavy with thousand pieces scattered in his body.

He was silent, not because he didn't want to; it was because he had nothing to say. Just like before, he decided that being silent was only the best he could do.

Ruka nodded. Somehow, he felt sorry for his best friend. Somehow, he didn't have the heart to face him. It was because he did the right thing for the wrong reasons. For once in his life, he had fought, was defeated, had the thought of giving up, but pursued on one thing had had longed for, no matter what the results seemed to be, thus in the end, it was him that won.

"Okay."

_No it's not._ Natsume thought, closing his eyes. It was never okay.

The pianist began to play, note after note, stopped and then continued the song.

The doors opened and everyone stopped to look at the bride in awe. Mikan Sakura never looked as beautiful as she was today and she didn't even make an effort. She had always looked beautiful to them. To Ruka Nogi and to Natsume Hyuuga. But today, she was only supposed to look beautiful solely to one person, to her groom, and Natsume Hyuuga knew it wasn't him.

She looked at her mother, at Narumi, at Hotaru and then at the altar in front of her. For that moment, the butterflies in her stomach flew away.

Her eyes caught sight of Natsume Hyuuga. She stopped. He had always taken her breath away. She smiled. No matter how many years passed between them, no matter what happens, no matter how it turned out to be, Natsume Hyuuga would always and will be her first love.

She stopped in front of Ruka, smiling. "Here I am."

"No," He took her hand, putting it over his arm. Ruka Nogi kissed her cheek. "It's here _we _are."

"Right." She laughed at herself. "Sorry."

He smiled at her and gave one last glance at Natsume. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be," Natsume stopped himself from saying it was fine, it was alright, it was okay. He didn't have the heart to pretend that it was because it wasn't. "You'll just have to owe me for the rest of your life, Nogi." He smirked. He felt his face heat up as Ruka took Mikan to the priest.

And the three of them were resisting the urge to cry.

--

_The wedding dress you're wearing (dress)  
(Girl) The wedding dress you're wearing  
(but I'm not the one who's by your side)  
(Wedding dress, dress)  
the wedding dress you're wearing, oh no_

_I hated you  
for not understanding how I felt.  
So at one point, I even wished for your misery.  
But my tears were already d-d-dried up.  
Every night I felt anxious  
and now if I think about it, I might have already foreseen this event.  
I close my eyes,  
and dream an endless dream.  
Then I hope that she's by my side, not his._

_Baby, please don't hold his hands  
Cause you should be my lady_

_Once the music starts  
you'll take the eternal pledge with him  
I prayed and hoped  
that this day would never come_

--

Half way through the ceremony, Natsume took aside his feelings to check at Hotaru Imai. She must've been having it worst that he was. "I hope you're not thinking of blackmailing that priest."

The girl jerked her head to look up at him; the tears in her eyes were a little too visible for him. "It's much better than burning him into a dirty pile of ash."

"It's the same thing."

"It's because great minds think alike."

He chuckled. "Don't flatter yourself, Imai."

"I'm not." She looked at him. Her eyes looked through his boldly. "I don't have the need to anyways." She was always so full of it. He hated the way she was. Hotaru Imai was so much like he was.

A ghost of a smile appeared on his face. "I should've fallen in love with you instead." Maybe it would've been better that way. If only she wasn't too sober, if only she took things a bit better than she did. If only she was like Mikan Sakura, that would've been possible. They would've been possible.

But she was Hotaru Imai. The chances of them getting together come in zero percent.

"Maybe so." She meant she was thinking of the same thing. The same question, the same possibility and the same conclusion.

Perfectly impossible.

Pause.

Silence.

A tear fell from her eye. She didn't wipe it away. She just looked at the couple in front of her. Maybe she had been born a martyr in her past life. Just like as Natsume was. Or what he thought he was.

"Somewhere deep inside me, I still wish that I shouldn't have waited for the chance, I should've taken a shot." Hotaru said quietly.

He took her hand, in an effort to comfort the girl. "I feel your pain." He squeezed it before letting go. He looked at her, grinning wistfully. "Let's go get ourselves wasted tonight."

She ignored his statement. "How do you do it?" She looked at him. Tears brimming from the side of her eyes. "How do you feel at ease when you feel your heart is broken—when all you feel is numbness and nothing is supposed to feel right; Natsume Hyuuga, how do you handle the pain?"

Natsume stared at the altar. His eyes fixed on the couple in front of him. How did he handle it? He asked himself the same question everyday. Maybe he was already used to the feeling. Of being hurt, of being completely broken.

Misery never left him alone. Getting hurt was the only thing he felt ever since. When his mother died, when he lied to everybody, when Aoi was taken away from him, when he did missions, when he met Mikan Sakura, when he loved her and when he lost her.

How _did_ he handle it?

"You may kiss the bride."

Natsume noticed the look in her eyes, the smile on his face, and the love in their kiss. The answer was there all along. He smiled. Smiled for the lies he made. The sadness his felt and the love he had lost.

"Imai," He looked at the inventor, her gaze was somewhere but the newlyweds. "I guess I never handled the pain—maybe that's why it never stopped."

He pulled her into his arms. He didn't want to see her reaction, but he heard her. He felt her body tremble; He heard her soft sniffles in against the church bell that chimed for the couple.

_Mr. and Mrs. Ruka Nogi._

Like everybody else in the room, Hotaru Imai cried. Cried for the love she never had. Cried for everything that was gone and forgotten. Hotaru Imai cried because after all those years, like Natsume Hyuuga, she didn't handle the pain.

Natsume Hyuuga stood there as he held Hotaru feeling pathetic because after all those years, like Hotaru Imai, he didn't take the chance when he had it.

--

_The wedding dress you're wearing (dress)  
(Girl) The wedding dress you're wearing  
(but I'm not the one who's by your side)  
(Wedding dress, dress)  
the wedding dress you're wearing, oh no_

_Be happy with him  
So I can move on  
Please erase those pitiful memories of me  
For a long time  
It was hard on me, no oh  
I spent too much time fantasizing  
And had a lonely life like a fool  
She's still looks at me  
and smiles brightly_

_The wedding dress you're wearing (dress)  
(Girl) The wedding dress you're wearing  
(but I'm not the one who's by your side)  
(Wedding dress, dress)  
the wedding dress you're wearing, oh no_

_(Wedding Dress, Taeyang)_

--

**Author's Notes:**

I'm sorry. I just felt the need to release my sadness. Bad news to NxM fans like me and good news to RxM fans. I know there are such but qite a few. Anyways, I would really suggest that you should listen to the song 'Wedding Dress' while reading. It's really touching. Please leave a review—constructive criticism welcome.


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